The Story of Theo: Part 6

The precious gift of Theo came into the world on September 26, 2020. Theo was born addicted, but it seemed like his addiction was not as severe as his older brother’s, who had already been removed from the birth mom’s care. Theo and his mom came home to a spotless, well-set-up apartment, and she seemed to be doing well taking care of him. We were happy because we thought we had positioned them for success and that she was at a good starting point to be a great mom.

We stayed connected as part of her support team. She got involved with the church and had a big fan base. And, of course, everybody fell hard for Theo. He was such a cutie, and I have always said that he had the most perfectly round head of any baby I had ever seen. However, I was not a baby person. I never had children, never been an aunt, and I had not even been around too many baby babies. I always said if they were not big enough to tuck under my arm like a football, they were too small for me. But there was a person in our midst who we affectionately call the “baby magnet,” and you probably guessed it: Denyse.

Denyse and Theo began developing a bond at once. It was so natural, so strong, and downright beautiful. Bio-mom saw it too and asked Denyse to be Theo’s godmother, and Denyse accepted the position. The love bug hit Denyse hard with this little guy. We all adored him very much. We adored his mom, too, and we really wanted to see her make it. We gave her everything we had, but a man (not bio-dad) came into the picture. He, too, had begun attending our church following a rough series of events in his life. He was working on getting things right so he could get his son back, and he was doing the work; he was about the business. He was a genuinely nice guy, but women were his downfall, and he began striking up a “friendship” with Theo’s mom. When we noticed that there was something going on, we talked to both of them and told them that we did not think it was a good idea for them to be a couple. Of course, they did not listen. It made us incredibly nervous.

On July 16, 2021, we received an anonymous phone call to tell us that word on the street was that a confidential informant had seen the birth mom and this gentleman at a local gas station buying alcohol and that she seemed impaired, which was a breach of her sobriety plan and an immediate probation violation. That was all CPS needed to take Theo from the home. The police were alerted, and when they tracked her down, she was walking down the middle of the street, swaying all over the place, pushing Theo in his stroller. She was not picked up at the time because she was close to her apartment and the gentleman with them appeared sober, so the police told her to go home and sleep it off. The police must have reported the incident to CPS because CPS became involved.

Having this knowledge gave us a chance to get ahead of the situation. The next morning, knowing that CPS was probably on their way to the apartment, we got ourselves to them as fast as we could. I pounded on the door, with what I was later told was the heavy-handed, loud sound of the “po po” coming to take you away. I was so angry that my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. I finally got her out of bed, and she looked terrible; her makeup was all over her face, her hair was a ratty mess, and she was hanging out of her clothes. She looked at me with the audacity to say, “What’s going on?” I said, “Where is Theo? Give him to me now, and I mean NOW.” She went and got him out of his highchair where he had been sitting for God only knows how long. He was filthy, and there was a cold pancake sitting on the counter out of his reach. I knew that her gentleman friend was in the bedroom behind a closed door, and I yelled for him to come out, but he would not.

We alerted her that CPS was aware of her encounter with the police the night before and that she needed to get her mom (Theo’s grandma) to her apartment immediately to take Theo to her place, get him cleaned up, fed, a nap, whatever he needed to get him back on track and to get rid of any reason why anyone would think he needed to be taken away from her. Her mom and her boyfriend came and picked up Theo right away. We had his grandmother document with pictures that he was good, safe, and sound. The problem was averted, but what had we done?

We do not give up on people easily, and we did not think it was an incident that warranted Theo being taken from his mom forever. We know that relapses are highly probable for an addict, and it is not always the end. We used the experience to put the fear of God into her, and it seemed to work for a bit. I think we scared her gentleman friend, too, because he scurried off, and I don't remember ever seeing him again.

We went to every single one of her court hearings regarding her CPS case in the months that followed this incident and advocated for her. Yes, you read that right: we advocated for her. We said we thought she was doing really well, trying hard, and being a good mother to Theo because, except for that one slip-up, she was doing a good job. However, along came another guy. She showed up with him at Bible study. This was now the third guy (Theo’s bio-dad, ex-boyfriend, and current boyfriend) that she had brought into the church. Each relationship brought with it a slew of issues, chaos, confusion, and all the things that a baby boy should not be exposed to and that should not be overwhelming a church service.

When these two began seeing each other, things started to slip away. It was obvious that they were not going in the right direction, and it was not just the guy; it was because they were toxic together. We grew increasingly concerned for Theo’s welfare; the fights that were taking place in front of him, the visits from the police, the constant being moved around, and we do not know what else.

The saddest realization came at Theo’s 1st birthday party on September 26, 2021. The birth mom and her boyfriend were acting weird; I did not know if they were fighting or high, but they were definitely hiding something. The apartment was a mess, bugs were everywhere, and it just gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. They were very distant from the celebration, caught up in themselves and whatever was going on. They half-heartedly went through the motions. I felt in my spirit that something was about to go down.

We organized and paid for the entire birthday party and made it a big day for Theo. As always, Denyse was there to hold him, nurture him, rock him to sleep, and to give him the best experience ever despite the ugly that was going on around him. The downhill slide picked up speed, and it didn’t slow down from here on out.